Let me start by saying that I have mastered the art of disappearing over the years. When things got tough I would shut down and go. They only destination I had was “escape”. The reality is that I was running away from problems, issues and so on. Running was my way of avoiding coming face to face with myself. It was a chicken shit way of living my life. Yup, I just called myself chicken shit. Escaping was the easy way out of dealing with my feelings. I’m not proud of my disappearing acts however, I am proud of what I learned by looking a little deeper into why I was doing it.
Here is what I discovered:
1. Everything remained the same awaiting my return. Somehow I had figured in my mind that it would disappear like I did. WRONG!
2. Like a wild animal, I would eventually tire myself out and cower in defeat. Problem still there…
3. The burst of wind I created with my escape was like a fan to the flames. The issues were typically bigger when I returned to them.
Being accountable for my feelings was something I had to learn to do. It didn’t make problems go away but it certainly gave me strength to stand up for what I was feeling. In a sense, I was giving my power over to the problems and letting them control me. I had a right to feel the way I did, there are no right or wrong feelings. As I slowly peeled back the layers of these feelings I uncovered the raw emotions that laid there, deep inside of me. Each and every one had a meaning, a purpose in my life. This is where the background music starts to play and the lights get brighter. I found my TRUTHS! Now what?….
These truths, more commonly referred to as personal values, were the engines driving my feelings. Here, all the while, I thought this train had no conductors…Boy was I relieved.
I hold these values sacred. When I am faced with decisions and choices, I turn to them as though they are the test that a situation will need to pass before moving forward. Not only has this helped with being accountable for my decisions but it has given me so much clarity when I am making choices.
Instead of avoiding or escaping, I step up to situations with confidence because I am armed with my personal values. To be honest, I have found that issues and problems have become far and few between now.
About Jennifer Adams:
Heal, fuel, feed, repeat…
Here I am taking the journey from corporate life to purpose life. I have climbed the ladder of life in parenting, work and self-development. What once was a woman who lived the “should” life, I became inspired to live the purposeful life. Always finding myself being the one people called for help or answers, I decided to pursue it further. With a suitcase of wisdom and carry-on of wit, I am traveling to the land of passion. I rock at bringing out the inner awesome in others. It was always there in various stages and capacities but I pushed it aside to do what I was “supposed” to do. The gates have opened and I am off…to chase the dream of breaking down the walls and limiting beliefs that keep others from truly showing up for this thing called life.
A little background about me:
From single mom at 18 to Vice President of a Corporation at 38, I spent 20 years healing, fueling, and feeding. I dropped out of high school 2 months before graduation, pregnant, and got my GED. I went to work full time at various jobs always working to make ends meet. I have what I like to call a “Custom College Degree.” I took more classes than what it took to get a degree, just not in the traditional curriculum determined by the schools. I have accounting, business and information technology education that I needed to get the job done, do it well and move up. It worked! I am now married with two awesome kids and I have no regrets. I love working out and living a healthy life style. My dream is to have a log house on the water with tons of property for flowers, vegetables and English Bulldogs and you know what, I WILL have it! Stay Tuned….