I am here to set the record straight. You should all be informed from the beginning; Sande Caplin exaggerates…a lot. After yesterday’s article, I feel our readers are receiving only half the story, and incorrectly at that. I feel it is my duty to give you the complete and correct version of “life” at The Sarasota Post / Sande Caplin and Associates.
There are times I may be “stylishly late” and I can keep them laughing, but I, Lee Volpe, am the “voice of reason” at the office. James doesn’t take care of himself. Most days he works late and eats Mexican from the corner gas station. Last Sunday, he didn’t wear sunscreen when he was out on the water with his family and got such dangerous sunburn that he had elephantiasis of the legs… they were so swollen. He couldn’t walk, move, or sleep; he was miserable! Did he go to the doctor? No, he suffered. He moved to the office, Sande brought him food from time to time, and he slowly recovered. “Dumb ass!” that’s what I told him. He has to take better care of himself. He has a beautiful wife and family and they need him. So, I’m always mothering James.
Then there’s Sande, Mr. Caplin. I met this character several years ago while filming PR videos for a children’s charity I volunteer for. I didn’t get to know him very well back then because he made my best friend, and video partner, cry. She had forwarded an email to Sande and put his address in the Cc instead of the Bcc line. Don’t do that; he doesn’t like it. I am a very loyal person, so after that, I didn’t see much of him, the guy who made a girl cry.
Now, Sande was correct in telling you that I called him seeking a critique of my writing. He accepted, and by the time I had finished my workout at the gym, Sande offered me a job. A week later, I was promoted to Creative Director of The Sarasota Post. Most people are confused by our relationship; they assume we’re sleeping together. Not the case, although it would make a better story.
The truth is, I found my twin in a divorced, sixty-four year old man, with kids my age. He’s the Cheese to my Mac and I am the Frick to his Frack. We even drive the same model car and we laugh, laugh, laugh. We have the best time together.
When we do go out, we go where the “bleach blondes” or the “white haired” coupon clipping, bingo playing ladies hang out. Last week, this fierce grandma with short, sexy hair, and a polka dot dress, was spinning all over the dance floor when she spotted Mr. Caplin (looking sharp as always on a Saturday night). She made eye contact, her eyes told him she was taking hormones, and they were workin’! Then her gaze rested on me and the stink eye look I received made me feel like I’d stolen the last man on Earth with a pulse.
I have realized for a single, sexy, sixty something, decent, breathing men are a rare commodity. To have to compete with someone half your age is another one of those “Golden Year” surprises no one told you about. I felt like the pale, blonde, girl in trailer # 214, taking all the good, black men from the Sista’s.
Never thought I’d feel like that, but people are silly. Which brings me to another point about our dear Mr. Caplin- he said that “I don’t think twice about calling him day or night”…whatever, Sande! This is the same man who complains about having to pull an all-nighter. An “all-nighter” in Sande Caplin’s world means working until after midnight — ending anywhere between 12:01am to 1:20am. He normally wakes up at four in the morning and is finished with his shows, in bed, and asleep by nine at night. I am so not on his schedule.
As far as me talking…yes, I love it, do it often. Sleeping too — so I can rest up for my next conversation. However, don’t let Sande fool you. Sande could fight the best debater and win the floor. He basks in the golden glow of the spotlight, and he’s the type of friend that walks in when everyone else is walking out. Aside from the jokes, I think he too is a pretty awesome local. I had to call him a “dick” once, but I’m honest and tell it like it is. I also wouldn’t change him.
You can probably tell by now, this isn’t your typical working environment. You would be right and we like it just the way it is. I have the best job ever, working with amazing people, whom I respect, and also have great, fun relationships with. Sure it’s difficult being the only female in an office of men — we all share the same bathroom! Yep, the seat’s up and I’m more of a seat down kind of girl. What do Sande and James do when I mention the “yuck factor” of the bathroom? They blame the poor intern, immediately and simultaneously; poor kid!
The office needed me, whether they knew it or not. Seriously, somebody needed to keep an eye on these guys, tell them like it is, call them a “dumb ass” when they aren’t being smart about their well-being, or a “dick” when…well, they’re being a “dick.” I am all about helping and I am here to help, and share a few laugh along the way. That’s the real scoop!
LINK to the original story.
about Lee Volpe:
I was a slow reader, diagnosed with a learning disability, & by the end of third grade it was suggested I be held back. As part of the remedial tutoring I opted for, I was given the task to write a story. Little did I know that assignment would be the genesis of me, the first taste, the moment that changed everything. Daisy the Cow was the result of my 8 year old imagination. A cow that was beloved by all the neighborhood children until someone gets a puppy & Daisy loses the spotlight. Daisy begins howling at the moon, fetching, lifting her leg, & causing all kinds of trouble – for a cow. With the help of her friends, Daisy realizes that she is special, loved, & perfect just the way she is.
At the time, I was approached & offered publication for Daisy the Cow. After a year, I completed tutoring & was reading almost two grade levels higher. I resolved my fear & dislike of reading. And in finding the words, I found my voice.”