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Elder Wisdom Circle

Recent Breakup

| Sande Caplin |

Elder Wisdom Circle is a nationwide network of volunteers aged 60-105, who offer caring and personal advice based on their own experiences. They are a nonprofit service, and all advice is free. Please visit them online at

Original Letter

I don’t even know where to begin.

My boyfriend and I have been together for quite a while now, and things were beginning to get quite serious. He bought a ring and we were planning on engagement in February. But lately things have changed. Things between us got less exciting, more awkward. He has lied about his financial situation, and it makes me wonder what else he has lied about, and everything seems to be falling apart and we both started noticing. This morning, I had a terrible feeling. I called him and he seemed off, and we both came to the decision that it wasn’t right between us.

I don’t know if im just feeling this way because the breakup is so fresh, but I don’t know if breaking up is the right decision. I’m not ready for it. Everything between us has been great until now. I am just so lost right now. I have a lot of hope in us, but I know deep inside that we are never getting back together and that’s what hurts. I honestly do believe that it is 100% over. I don’t know how to take it. I am so ready for marriage and to start a family and I had that in the palm of my hands and now im right back where I started. Back to the dating- and I don’t want to be. I’m alone. I’m always alone and right now im starting to feel like its always going to be that way. I just need guidance. I need help. Please.

Elder Response

It sounds like your boyfriend was detaching himself from the relationship for awhile, Brenna, and you may never know the answer. But, clearly, he has issues that he hasn’t been able to resolve. No matter what the circumstances of a breakup are, it is almost always very painful. We all desire to love and be loved, and none of us wants to spend our lives alone. Your feelings are very natural.

Now to the important part: First, please don’t let this breakup make you feel like you will always be alone.  Life is always changing, and most of us are in places in our lives that we would have never believed would be possible. Trust that your life will be like that. Waiting around the bend are many wonderful experiences you will have, as well as a relationship that will be everything you want it to be.

Use this time to step back and be good to yourself. Don’t think about dating right now. Be with friends and/or family who love you and support you. Do things that give you joy. Start a gratitude journal and record every day all of the things you are grateful for in life. Meditate. Do yoga. Take workshops that are geared to help people look at their lives, and get the tools they need to have what they want.

Please try not to feel like a victim.  You are a strong, powerful, loving and caring woman.  You will survive this and come out in a much better place. You will look at this time in your life and know that you emerged a better person. Many women have survived this, and now have exactly the lives they want.  I believe you will, as well.

Best Regards,

Elder ReneeRenee is a Realtor in the Washington, DC area.  She also has a home in Bradenton, FL.  She is married, with three children and five grandchildren. Her website is

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