Who needs the neighborhood coffee shop anymore? We have the internet! The local cafe-coffee shop-diner, the forerunner of true social media, used to be the spot to get your daily news and gossip. We could discuss politics, religion (only on Sunday) and of course neighborhood gossip. The latter being the fuel for most discussions and going “viral” meant it had already spread down the street to the local barber or beauty shop.
It was all so simple then. We didn’t have to think, we knew it was true because Gladys had heard it from her sister’s friend’s, brother-in-law’s mechanic’s nephew. That is all the reference one needed. It had to be true. All so simple.
But then along comes the internet. Every page issuing an opinion and passing it as fact. It must be true “I read it on the internet”. What begins as conjecture spreads like a Colorado wildfire and in many cases instantly goes viral. Add a cute cat, a snippet of a cute pup and Voila! Instant credibility and sure to garner support. So much easier and I saved a couple bucks plus tip by not having to swing by the coffee shop. Even the National Enquirer had missed the daily scoop.
Instead of waiting for Gladys or the boys to give me my daily dose of reality, my browser does it for me. I never realized what I didn’t know. So far I’ve learned:
-My Mother’s Uncle in Nigeria left me 14 million dollars and it is waiting for me
-A tooth left in a glass of coke overnight will cause it to dissolve
-Elvis is still working at the Burger King in Kalamazoo, Michigan
-Chihuahuas cure Asthma
-Hostess Twinkies have an indefinite shelf life
-A woman can judge a man’s sexual ability by how many wrinkles on a man’s thumb
-The FDA is donating $1 to homeless shelters for everyone that changes their Facebook profile picture to their favorite food
-Santa’s HO-HO-HO has been changed to Ha-Ha-Ha in Australia due to outrage by women
-Men are counting the wrinkles on their thumb
And I haven’t even had my second cup of coffee yet. I can’t wait to tell the group at the coffee shop. But it will have to wait; I’m meeting up with a French Model I met on the internet. Bon Jour!
This is Mark Bartlett’s first article in the Sarasota Post!