Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Is He Trying to Break Up With You?

Tired of being the last to know if your boyfriend is planning to dump you?  Sitting at home waiting for the phone to ring and it doesn’t?  There are subtle signs that we ignore when trying to figure out if we still have a relationship.  For instance, has he broken plans you made months ago?  Has he stopped texting you sweet nothings to let you know he’s thinking of you?  These are a few of the signs that your relationship is doomed.  You need to put on your big girl panties and face the situation and maybe even come out on top of what appears to be a lose-lose situation.

One way to figure all this out is to take notice during your conversations as to his interest level.  Is he interested in talking to you, as much as he used to be?  When you’re wondering if the end is coming, watch him closely; is he commenting and engaging himself in the conversation or is he a million miles away and just nodding his head at certain intervals?  This is something I noticed that men do.  No offense guys, but you have it all figured out as to how to tune us out.  If you doubt he is listening, say something totally nuts like “I slept with your best friend last night” and see if he reacts. Don’t do this while he is watching football.  You could walk back and forth naked in front of him while football is on and he wouldn’t even notice.

A real dead giveaway is to initiate “physical” activity. If he’s thinking about leaving, he won’t want to hug or kiss you as much as he used to. You’ll know for sure that something is up.  When you’re out in public, is he checking out other women’s boobs and behinds without even trying to hide it?  Was he disinterested when you went to his place in a trench coat and a wig and nothing else on?  How embarrassing is that!

It’s sometimes not a wise idea to talk to his friends.  It will get back to him and that “Good Old Guy” mentality thing exists among men.  It’s worth a try if you’re close to his best friend.  He may be telling others that he is going to break up with you, but hasn’t told you yet. Just say you need to know the truth and maybe his friend will give you the 411 about what exactly is going on.

Boyfriends and GirlfriendsSome guys have a lot of girl “friends.” Does he purposely hang around girls you don’t like? Does he hang around his friends who are girls more often? He might be trying to tell you something.  It would be great if he could just tell you the truth, but the truth is difficult for some people and they just dance around it, hoping you’ll be the one to initiate the breakup.  Beware of the old tactic that is probably the cheesiest way to break up with someone – you initiate a fight and use that to stomp out and not return.  This is generally done around Christmas so no expensive gifts need to be purchased.  

If he is constantly telling you he has to go when you’re on the phone, he’s just making up excuses. Or he might tell you he wants a break.  If he does, it might be a sign he just wants to mess around with other women but wants to keep you as a friend with benefits.  Perhaps he wants to break up but doesn’t have the courage to go all the way.

Probably the worst thing you can do is stalk him or try to grab his cell phone when he’s busy with something else and check his texts and emails.  You might not really want to know that there are other women sending him sexts, or sexual texts, pictures of body parts and sweet nothings.  Painful!  If you annoy him and act like a woman scorned, even if he wasn’t cheating it could signal the end of your relationship because you’re acting like Glen Close in Fatal Attraction.  So don’t be cooking any of his pets in the big soup pot on the stove or microwave his snapper turtle.  It might make perfect sense to you but is worthy of a 72 hour mandatory trip to the local psyche ward.

Marriage CounselorIt’s all in your thinking.  Are you going to tell me you’re going to lose your mind over a 6 month relationship that wasn’t even that good?  And what about facing the fact that “he just wasn’t that into you?”  Some of us just don’t like losing.  Actually, if you turn your thinking around, you now have the opportunity to look forward to something better, like a mutually satisfying relationship with someone who is engaged in your life and wants to be with you. Positive thinking is what will save the day for you.  After all, do you really want to sit at home crying over Barry Manilow love songs and eating pints of Haagen Daas ice cream? No! Pick yourself up, dust off your boots and go forward.  

A novel idea is not to run head first into a new relationship.  There is something to be said about enjoying your own company and learning to do new and satisfying activities.  Did you ever want to play an instrument, or sky dive, or take a foreign language class?  It might be a welcome change to concentrate your life on something besides a new relationship.  Try being your own best friend for awhile.  You’ll be surprised how much it will help you!

Laurie Mirkin is a weekly writer / contributor to the Sarasota Post

Laurie Mirkin

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2013-10-25