A Short Phone Conversation Between Donald Trump and Sarah Palin

T: (answering phone)Trump here. You’re hired. You’re fired. You’re fucked, unless you’re me.

P: Donald?

T: Yeah, so what? Tell me something I didn’t know.

P: This is Sarah, Sarah Palin?

T: Hey Sarah, how’re they hangin’?

P: I’m calling you because I read that you are sliding in the polls.

T: Hey, the polls are ignorant idiots. No need to worry. The people love me.

P: But it’s the people who are being asked about you by the pollsters.

T: So, the people are ignorant idiots, also. I always knew that anyway.

P: But if the people don’t like you, how will you win the nomination?

T: The nomination process is an ignorant idiot.  I don’t need to be nominated or elected. I’ll just win. I always do.

P: I don’t think it works that way, Donald, although I’m still new to all this big-city politickin’. But I think people have to vote for you. That’s what they taught me when I was running for Vice President.

T: If you think that, Ms Imma-Momma-Bear-Shit, you are just an ignorant idiot, as well. And you are bleeding from your wherever.

P: So we can win without being nominated or people voting for us?

T: Who’s the “we” shit? This is my show, Hot Boobs.

P: I thought maybe I’d be your Vice President, Donald.

T: (Laughing) That’s rich. Oh wait. I’m the only one who’s rich around here. Listen, Ms I’m-Still-Learning-How-to-Live-in-A-State-That-Doesn’t-Eat-Whale-Blubber-for-Breakfast, I don’t need a Vice President. Vice Presidents are ignorant idiots.

P: I didn’t know that, either. They told me Presidents always have Vice Presidents.

T: Who’s the “they?”  Whoever they are, they are ignorant idiots.

P: Can I be in your Cabinet?

T: Cabinets are ignorant idiots.

P: What can I be in your Administration?

T: You can be my Ambassador to Alaska.

P: Alaska has an Ambassador? Aren’t we a part of the US already? That’s what they taught me.

T: I’m getting rid of Alaska. It’s an ignorant idiot.

P: Can you do that?

T: I can do whatever I please. And if you want to be Ambassador to Alaska, lose the glasses.

P: But I won’t be able to see.

T: You won’t need to see, for what I have in mind.

P: (Thinks, awhile) OK, Donald, you got me. I like your game better than the one I played before.

T: There is no game, other than mine.

about Renee Fisher……

Renee’s entire life has been formed by her naturally curly hair and her having topograpanosia, a real disorder of the frontal lobe that results in a complete inability to orient herself in space, as well as an inability to remember people’s names. Because of this disorder, she gets lost a lot.  If you see her wandering around anywhere, don’t call anyone.  Just get her ice cream.  That will calm her down.  For the hair, there’s not much you can do.

She is, indeed, a former hula hoop champion, as well as the co-author of two books for women over 50.  They are Invisible No More: The Secret Lives of Women Over 50 and Saving the Best for Last: Creating Our Lives After 50. She is also a Featured Blogger on Huffington Post.